Growing a Person

Apricot Lane Belly Shoot 2015

A story taken from Farmer Molly’s blog, Organic Spark. Originally told December 12, 2014.

In March of this year, things were beginning to sprout up on the farm, and I started growing a person.  So many things have happened since – the peak season has come and gone, family and friends have visited and departed, all while this little boy has been diligently working in solitude, and now, with the days turned inward and our Christmas tree casting an inviting light on the den, we await his arrival, our grandest present.

Apricot Lane Belly Shoot 2015I’ve been awed by how much patience and discipline this process requires and teaches.  It’s not a short trip, and in certain moments, I found myself begrudging the pigs for their less than 4 month gestation, while appreciating the cows a bit more for their 9+ month wait, like us.  The beginning of this road was met with an unparalleled tiredness that taught me lessons of surrender and kindness with myself.  The settled times of this relatively mild pregnancy introduced an inner knowing with a constant, welcomed point that I am important, even when I’m not “doing,” by the external world’s definitions. The hard times were dynamic because highs and lows seem more potent during this vulnerable time.  A tough day, circumstance or even just an ache or pain felt more present and unavoidable.   However, centered within the nugget of each challenge sat the compassionate gift of renewed understanding.  Life’s lessons are often tucked within hard times, pregnant or not, but I found them more accessible in such a raw state.  And, I grew as this little one did.Apricot Lane Belly Shoot 2015

 

I also gained an expansive appreciation for all that my husband is and does, more than ever before.  I noticed how he completes our unit, how hard he works, how much he cares.  I love him.

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And now, just 8 days away from my due date of December 20, I just wait.  I’ve scaled back my work to mainly just emailing and unavoidable things.  I’m reminding myself that I am still important, though not in the same ways that I have been.  I worry a little, here and there, about the delivery, finding my way after the birth and remembering who I was and am in the process.  But, mostly, I am excited, ready and thankful for this long runway because God knows what he is doing to give our big brains time to get acclimated.  So, I try to embrace this sweet sliver of remaining time with a centered spirit, as all those who love me have suggested.

xo

Farmer Molly

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